More on Changing Our Thoughts

If you can change your mind, you can change your life.
William James (see below)

So let's review...

I believe our thoughts are involved in a six step process that determines the quality of our life.  The steps in the sequence go like this:

1. There is an external trigger
2. A thought, originating from a  belief system, emerges
3. This leads to an emotional experience
4. There is a physical correlation of that experience in the body
5. Some behavioural reaction /choice may arise next
6. There is a consequence to our choices  and life responds

The most crucial step to our wellness and life experience is number three: The emotional experience.  Many spiritual teachers and mental health professionals  would agree that the quality of our lives is mostly determined by how we feel and how we feel is determined by what we think. 

Emotions are powerful vibrations that effect our health and our life circumstances. So it is paramount then to "feel good."  If we are experiencing emotions that fall under the "acceptance of my plight" rung on the emotional ladder...we need to climb up vibrationally in order to live high quality lives. Right?

So the goal of our thinking then should be for us to feel as good as we possibly can and to stay up in that energy level.

When you don't feel so good: Change Your Thoughts And Feel Better

Let's face reality though! We are going to slip from time to time and we are going to find ourselves slipping down the ladder rungs.  What do we do when that happens?

We have to climb back up! We have to change our thinking so we can do that.  Byron Katie refers to this process as The Work and that in a sense is what it is...work. (Katie, 2003)



Step One: What are you feeling?

Recognize where you are on the emotional ladder.  Are you "up" or are you "down"?

Once you recognize that you don't feel so good, determine the emotion you are feeling. 

Label it.  That is a tricky thing to do as well.  Most of us just identify our emotional experience with "I feel good.'  or "I feel bad". 

There are, however, a whole lot of levels of bad and it is important to know where you are at so you know where to go.  Are you feeling accepting of your plight?  If so, you don't have a far climb to "peace'.  Are you feeling "frustrated?" Then you do not have a far climb to acceptance.  Are you feeling "blaming"? Well you don't have a far climb to frustration.  Are  you feeling angry?  Then you do not have a far climb to blaming. 

Getting the picture?  

You need to know where you are at so you know what emotional rung you are reaching for.  It is always the one directly  above you.  We are more likely to get to where we want to go when we climb one rung at a time.

Step Two: What are you thinking?

A Course in Miracles tells us that  all emotion in the lower rungs (less than peaceful) belong under the Fear category.  All emotions above acceptance belong to Love. We want to make it to the Love category one rung at a time. 

In order to do that  we need to determine what conscious thought we had that triggered the emotional reaction.  This is not easy for many of us.  As I said last post and in the practice video, the thinking/feeling/behaving process occurs so automatically it is like a knee-jerk reflex in most of us.  We face the trigger and the next thing we know life seems to be good or life seems to be bad.

Yet, there was definitely a thought of some kind that led to you feeling the way you are feeling.  Rewind in slow motion. Take a minute and go back to it.

What were you thinking?  If you cannot collect the entire thought word for word, don't sweat it.  Just try to determine what it is you were thinking about. Write it down if you can.  Writing it down is a way that allows you to not only analyze it but to release it from your mind.  It is very therapeutic.

Step Three: Analyze the thought.

Look closely at the thought and ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this thought attached to a particular belief that you are aware of?  It is definitely attached to some belief in your subconscious mind but the question is, are you aware of what belief that is Beck and Ellis focused a great deal on determining the belief systems that lay beyond these emotional and behavioural reactions.
• Does the thought contain  "musterbations?"  Musterbations are words that add pressure in our thinking like "Must", "Have-To", "Need to, "Gotta" should".  These words strip us of our power and bury us under the weight of obligation.
• Is the thought focusing on what you are lacking rather than what you have now?
• Does the thought contain absolutes like "never: "Things never work out for me."  or "always.  These things are always happening to me"?
• Is the thought putting  you or others down in any way?
• How realistic is the thought? Really?  Is this going to kill you or is it just going to be a challenge?

Step Four: Change the Thought in a believable way

Now you begin the work of changing your thought.  These steps might help;

• Recognize that all thoughts are intertwined with belief systems which lay deeply intertwined in your subconscious mind.  Changing your beliefs are a little more time consuming and challenging than changing your thoughts.  Most of us are unaware of what we really believe until we are put to the challenge. For now just know that and if you are aware of a belief system the thought is attached to your work will be easier.
• Remove the pressure of  musterbations and give the freedom to choose back to yourself.  Take out all the should, have-tos and musts from your vocabulary. Truly though.... there is nothing in this world we have to do.  Everything is a choice is it not? I mean you may say "I have to work so hard so I can keep my job so I can feed my kids."  But really...you do not "have" to keep your job...and you do not "have" to feed your kids.  Those are things you want to do.  The consequences for not doing so would be horrid but you still have a choice. Replace these words with want to, willing to, choose to...this will make a tremendous change to how you are feeling.
• Remove focus on lack. If your thought was, "I don't have enough money and I don't know how I can manage!,"  simply change it to, "I want more money so I can manage.'  That simple switch is going to change a feeling of defeat by instilling a bit of desire and hope.
• Remove the absolutes.  Come on!  Things have to work out for you sometime.  Life is not "always' giving you a bad break.  Words like never and always  keep you stuck in a spiral of defeat.  They are not realistic.
• Any time a thought puts another person down it is going to add, even subconsciously, to your negative feeling.  It might add guilt, shame etc.  Anytime you put yourself down in a thought...it has the potential to bring you to the lowest wrong of despair.  Don't go there! Take away the put downs from the thought!
• Remove the drama!  Isn't there enough drama and over exaggeration in the world?  We don't need it in our heads.
• Make the thought change a believable one.  You do not need to leap from a thought that makes you feel despair to a thought with the intended effect of making you feel ecstasy. "I am rich.  I have a 1,000,000 in my account" will not sustain relief from the feelings that arise from the thought, "I have no money.  I don't know how I am going to get by."  Often, our belief systems won't let us jump that far and if the thought doesn't register in your belief system it will not cause the desired emotional effect.
• Climb up the ladder, one rung at a time. That is the most sure way to proceed.  For example, take this blaming thought, " I can't believe she said that in front of everyone.  How could she?  She is wrong in the way she deals with people! She makes me so mad." In this thought I am blaming someone else for my experience.  First of all...no one outside ourselves can "make us mad.".  I am feeling mad because of something I observed her doing.  The problem is not in what she did but how I emotionally reacted to it.  It is all mine.  If I want to feel better I can reach for a thought that lifts me from blaming to frustration.  That offers a bit of "relief."" I feel upset when I get called out the way I did.  When she said what she said I felt angry because I do not agree with her approach." Same situation ...totally different thought...one where I took ownership and responsibility for my feelings and got above the behaviour of others. With responsibility comes power.  Sure I am frustrated but I have my power back. I feel a certain relief.  I am moving on up!!!

So Much More to Cover

Oh wow!  I only intended to write a few words this morning.  I wanted to go through an example with you but that will have to wait until next time!

I really think I feel another book coming on lol. The thinking process fascinates me and I honestly see how changing our thoughts can change our lives. I am not alone.  Please check out the  references and recommended readings below.

 I cannot stress enough that this is what I have come to believe through years of observing, studying the experts, reading everything I could get my hands on, listening to others, watching how others managed their life situations, learning from my own mistakes  etc etc.  This is how I see it! That doesn't mean it is the only way to see it.  As I said many times, I am no expert.  I do not have a PhD in psychology. I am just a life learner.

All is well.

References and Recommended Readings/Viewings

A Course in Miracles Combined Volume. Foundations for Inner Peace.

Boyd, Alice (Jan, 2013) Cognitive Restructuring. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/cognitive-restructuring

Ellis, Albert (2015) Feeling Better; Getting Better; Staying Better: Profound Self Help Therapy for Your Emotions. Impact Publications.

Katie, Byron (2003) Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life. Reprint Edition.  Harmony Press.

Musterbation (n.d.) Retrieved from  http://home.insightbb.com/~bjhpro/Office_Web_Page/Musterbation.html

Peale, Norman Vincent (1952) The Power of Positive Thinking.

The Pursuit of Happiness. (n.d.)  William James. Retrieved from http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/william-james/